LOVE LANGUAGES

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, renowned psychologists specializing in relationships, have dedicated years to studying and writing about relationship dynamics. Among their key concepts is the notion of "bids for connection."

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A bid can take many forms—a smile, a gentle touch, a question—and serves as a signal to one's partner that they desire connection. Recently, I've observed a pattern in my own relationship, which may resonate with yours: when I'm feeling upset or withdrawn, my bids for connection become subtle, almost imperceptible. Conversely, when my wife experiences similar emotions, her bids for connection are more overt and pronounced.

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Currently, I find myself in a phase where I'm feeling grumpy and distant. Though I'm not completely out of it yet, I've managed to initiate a conversation with my wife about it. I expressed to her that I'm not feeling as connected or supported as I'd like to be, although I know she's incredibly supportive. This realization led me to reflect on our communication styles and prompted me to draw an analogy: her bids for connection resemble an elephant barging in, whereas mine are more akin to a cat sneaking in quietly.

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This analogy made me recognize the importance of understanding each other's "relationship languages," akin to the Love Languages principle. I've realized that I need to be more direct in my communication, expressing my needs clearly and directly. Ultimately, it's up to both of us to communicate effectively and support each other, but having a supportive partner by my side certainly helps expedite the process and makes me feel more understood and cared for.